WARNING WARNING HERE THERE BE TEXT

This was originally posted at my cobwebby deviantart, but I have been advised to add it to eljay, because it is apparently "eljay-ey". So I fear I must oblige.

I mean, it does explain in rantful fashion what I've actually been doing for the best part of a year, so.

I shall cut it because I realise that not everybody wants to know about MAH LIEF and BAWW ART SCHOOL IS NOT WHAT I EXPECTED and HYARHYAR LOOK AT MY SUPERIORITY/INFERIORITY COMPLEXES.

I would not be who I am today if it were not for capslock.

( Here I am, head bowed in contrition, trying to explain why exactly I have dropped off the face of the earth for the best part of a year. )

Oh, and for those who couldn't stomach the entire thing, here's the teal deer version:

FUCK ART SCHOOL, FUCK EVERYONE, IT'S A YEAR LATER, I'M MAYBE A BIT WISER, AND I'M FINALLY DOING ARTS AGAIN.

THAT TITLE. SO LONG. DOESN'T FIT ON YOUTUBE.

THE FILM. ON YOUTUBE. FINALLY IS. AKFDJSKDA.

It took four and a half hours to upload.


And I am physically unable to watch it any more.

Dorian Gray.

DORIAN GRAY.

How can a film be that bad? How?
And how can I still enjoy it?

Let me tell you, it is a simple reason:

Ben Barnes has sex with everyone.

When he is not doing so, he is wearing fancy fine well-buttoned coats and waistcoats that show off his girlish waspish waist.

When he is not doing that, he is looking sad and tortured and as full of woe as a kitten in a bucket.

And even when he's standing around looking blankly pretty, he still has the damn fine mane of hair, all pantene-ad shiny and healthy and full of volume.

...I seem to have got distracted there. ANYWAY. It is just. Wow. I ended up going on a whim, and expected it to be a) trashy, b) awful, c) attempting to be edgy, and 4) TOTALLY RADICAL AWESOME YOU GUYS. It was all of these things. It just defined "so bad, it's good". During the film I spent most of my time trying not to laugh, rolling my eyes in my finest teenage-girl fashion most ironically, or leaning over to my fellow viewer to mutter comments along the lines of "aww, he's so pretty with his pretty face" and "he's getting it on with a bloke! Brilliant! I love this film!" At the end I burst into a fit of hysterical laughter that lasted around ten minutes, left me gasping for air, and shrieking over just how terriblawesome it was. In the crowded cinema. I do not care if I seemed rude, that was the only reaction I could have had and I am shocked and amazed that more people were not in hysterics. It was comedy genius. There is one scene where, spliced together, there are images of polite society folk taking tea, and images of a SEXY SEXY VICTORIAN S&M SEX PARTY WITH TATTOOISTS. They were trying to be WITTY and SUBVERSIVE and the entire thing just looked like a parody. Next time I'm bringing a hipflask full of gin, and I will drink for every sex scene, and every time Ben Barnes looks pretty but vaguely confused, and every time he dons a new coat, and I will get thoroughly drunk and have to be escorted off the premises.

...Thinking about it, it would actually be very difficult to parody the film, it does such a good job itself. I knew I was going to love it after Dorian gets propositioned by rent boys within the first ten minutes of the thing.

...OH IT WAS SO BAD. ♥

As scenery/costume/Ben Barnes' naked form porn, however, it was bloody brilliant. Costumes, costumes, 'artful' nudity, COSTUMES. Even if the characters didn't speak/act/look like Victorians, at least they had the clothes, eh?

Mmm, clothes. Cravats. Top hats. Oh my. I think I need to go to wikipedia's history of western costume pages RIGHT NOW.

Life lesson: When measuring garments in the quality control department all day standing up, make sure you're not standing on a freshly-sprained ankle. The results may be amusing and intriguing, but will also give you the sensation of dozens of tiny fire ants biting the inside of your flesh as they groove away in a disco where the sound is turned up too loud and is making your foot throb rhythmically.

You know, hypothetically.

WELL HELLO THERE BATCH THREE.

My iconmaking is still going strong, it seems.

As usual, Star Trek isn't mine, credit if you like 'em, and they should all be the right size for eljay. Magic.

#50 is iconned from ZIS.

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More icons! Again, some are animated. Madness.

Disclaimer as usual: If I owned anything to do with Star Trek, I'd have to have a time machine. And I don't. So I don't.
Quote on #12 shamelessly ripped off from 'friends'. And I am not sorry. #32 is from 'A Midsummer Night's Dream', because I are literary.
I'm only cruel because I love it.

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Star Trek: Not mine.
Crack and any brainless photoshopping: All mine.

Have some TOS icons! Some of them are even animated! I hope they do not displease, and apologise for any loss of brain cells.

Please credit if you decide to use them. It's what Captain Kirk would do. Or maybe Scotty. I get the feeling that Kirk'd just steal an icon and run away.

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If one more person tries to defend their use of gay as pejorative slang because it's 'just a word', I may be forced to STAB THEM IN THE FACE.

I just made up a new sandwich!

Hooray!

So, I was thinking about vampires.

Now, it's common knowledge that vampires have no reflection. It's also quasi-common knowledge that many vampires happen to be drop-dead sexy, if you'll pardon the pun.

The question is, how do they look so good without mirrors? Does one get some kind of innate makeover when converted to vampirism? Or do they just have really good dressers, makeup artists and hairdressers on hand?

Hmm.

So, I was on the tube today a lot, and it got me thinking, as one does in an overheated compartment that smells of human sweat and, peculiarly, pork.

Anyhow, on fanficrants and places, people are always saying they'd love to have fic done of their original works, wondering what pairings and such would be written, etc. So I had an Idea.

What would fanfic be like for /my life/? I know this sounds incredibly narcissistic, but I'm entirely intrigued by this concept. How would people write me? Would they understand my personality, or would I be constantly, woefully OOC? Do real people actually have more depth than created characters? After all, people say that most original characters are created around a single base trait, but I don't think this can be said for many actual people. And then, character growth. I know I act almost entirely differently from how I did, say, three years ago. Back then, I was, if this is possible, even /more/ socially awkward, and believed skirts, makeup, and crying were for the weak. Currently I'm beskirted, clad in different shades of coral pink with concordant accessories, and wearing enough eyeliner to turn a grey stallion into a convincing zebra. Also, I have a tendency to cry at books, films, tv shows, plays, musicals, songs, video games, tiny injured kittens...Eyup.

And what would plots be like? Would there be AUs? Angst? Lots of 12-year-olds writing "WHEE LLAMAS CHEESE" humourfic? Would there be shipping? Would there be canon debates over my sexuality/lack of sexuality? What would top pairings be? Which side characters would be popular (oh dear god, the egotism. I'm referring to other people in my life as /side characters/. Maybe I'd better get off this topic.)

Anyhow. Still got a shitload of drawings to do/put on le art de deviant. Soon enough, soon enough.

Doctor Who in ten minutes!

Now that I'm going to be using this journal again, I am making an obligatory post. Ho hum. Nothing much to say here, except that I'm mildly panicking over the fact that I have done no revision so far this holiday, I'm knee-deep in about 20 different art things that I haven't finished, and the bag of lino by my feet is starting to smell, and I don't think it's supposed to do that.

Okay. Sorting head out. Artses:

-Group picture, marker. Needs done: touchup on faces, details (headband), and some further shading and cover up in the background.
-Fancomic, digital. Need to redraw character for panel 7, and ink the rest of the panels, then scan it all in and attack it with photoshop.
-Costume designs, pen and ink. Need to finish these, scan them etc.
-Anatomy study, currently pen and ink. FINISH THIS. Then scan, upload, lighten, print, marker colour, upload again.

Firefox keeps telling me that my spelling's incorrect. It makes me woeful. :(

In other news! Went off to Brighton for the past few days. It was lovely and sunny and there was great shopping. I love my new hat. :) I'm not a great hat-wearer, so finding one I like is hugely significant. Also, my scalp won't get sunburned. Huzzah! I also discovered strawberry slingbacks, and significantly the fact that they don't taste alcoholic, despite having rather large quantities of vodka and...some other liquor in there. I consequently sat in the hotel bar bolting them, and then felt very dizzy and prone to calling tiny, tiny waiters "hobbits".

It was a good stay.

Also, we went to the pavilion, and it was made of awesome and wonder.

I am so exceedingly cool.

I have at least three weeks' work experience at the association of illustrators, and if I really enjoy it, I may stay for a fourth and miss a week of holiday!

Yes, I know that sounds crazy. But we're supposed to be going away for two weeks this summer. One week holidays I can just about deal with without going crazy. But two weeks? Away from home, friends and computer? Aaarghargargmentalbreakdown! So if I skip some, I won't be too crushed, I guess...On holiday, I tend to just get even more cranky than I usually am, stay up late and not get enough sleep, get horribly, horribly sunburnt (my dad's a redhead, need I say more?) and not eat any of the local food. It's not my fault I'm picky! It's not that I don't want to eat it just becuase, it's that I don't want to eat it for I get overly sensitive to foods/smells I don't like, and it would probably make me go and throw up in the ocean.

Oh, and oceans. Another thing. They're nice in theory, but once you factor in the burning sand on the way there, the excessive suncream needed, jellyfish, normal fish, seaweed and other floaty things that brush past your legs and are creepy and make you sincerely uncomfortable with this whole bathing in the world's toilet thing, and those weird shell fish thingies which hide in the sand and stab your feet if you step on them...razor somethings, they're called...because they look like old fashioned razors. No shit! So yeah, once you've factored all that in, plus groups of screaming kids/stupid teenagers and "aaaaaagh where is the ocean bed oh my fucking god there's nothing under my feet aaaagh!", the joy really, really goes. Plus, the ocean's full of sewage and diseases and suchlike. I like swimming pools, with their chlorine and lanes.

Why yes, I am a bit of a loser, thanks for asking.

Oh, and treks. I hate trekking, hiking, whatever you want to call it. Walking for miles and getting blisters whilst one's parents/guardians/etc point out the scenery which would be stunning if you'd had a decent night's sleep, or a good breakfast, or weren't slathered in factor fifty which is attracting insects.

Fucking insects.

Anyhoo, back to work experience! It's an hour's journey, have to take a bus and change lines on the tube, but I'll only be working two or three days a week, 10-6, and the office seems really nice and small and friendly. And I'll be using a mac, which is a new experience! Other than that, it'll all the the same old familiar microsoft office, which I know my way around pretty well (that is, excluding excel, which hates me so, so much. It's a moody bitch.) And if it goes well, who knows what may happen!

I'm employed!

A rework of an old drawing...thought I'd post it up here before I go off to marker-colour the original lineart! I hope it turns out well. It's gonna be a bitch to do all the detail...




EDIT:
And the marker version, in progress:




Well, that took an age to upload. (an age being about 5 minutes. I have the attention span of a gnat on steriods.)

Okay, because I am utterly anal, I am now going to work out just how long I spent on exams. And the average time of exams. Hell yeah!

First off, the EDEXCEL.

History essays: 2 hrs.
History sources: 1hr 45.

Japanese listening: 50 mins.
Japanese speaking: 15 mins
Japanese reading: 55 mins.
Japanese writing: 1hr 15.

Maths non-calc: 2 hrs.
Maths calc: 2 hrs.

So far, that's...10hrs45.

OCR:

Greek language: 2hrs
Greek verse: 1hr30
Greek prose: 1hr (I'm sure it was longer than that! It felt longer, anyway.)

Latin language: 1hr15
Latin verse: 1hr15
Latin prose 45mins
Latin civilisation: 45 mins

Bio: 1hr30
Chem: 1hr30
Phys: 1hr30

English media: 1hr45.
English cultures: 1hr45
English drama: 45mins
English poetry/prose: 1hr30.

overall: 18hrs45.

EDEXCEL + OCR = 29hrs30.  Wow.

Average time: 29hrs30/22. 29hrs30 = 29x60+30. 1770 mins. 1770/22 = 80.45 recurring.

Soo...1hr20 was the average length of exams.


yay?

END OF EXAMS. END OF EXAMS. END OF GCSE SHITE-ITUDE.

*does a small, discreet dance*

damn, but that's awesome. I've been doing exams since the 8th of May, so it's been a hell of a long time. And now I have freedom, and the whole load of us doing greek went over to costy's, where much sugar was consumed, as well as amazing, utterly amazing pasta.

But now I am rid of exams, I can sleep, I can catch up on all the TV I've missed...*sigh* I'm in /HEAVEN/.

Owfuck. Ever since the end of last week, the muscle down the bottom of my right arm...*scampers off to find out its correct name* Okay, I think its the "flexor digitorum profundus", has been spasming out of control about 5+ times a day. Writing now = PAIIIINNNN. As I discovered today in my hour and a half greek exam. I mean seriously, I can barely hold a pen. Typing makes my arm twinge.

And I blame it /entirely/ on exams. Well, maybe not entirely - since I broke my ring and little fingers in my right hand at a young age and never had them set (nobody listens to an eight year old's argument of "if it's a sprain, why are my fingers twisted out of shape?" answer: "you're exaggerating. A bandage will do you fine."), they fold really weirdly and cause me to hold a pen pretty much solely between my thumb and middle finger, resting on my ring finger with the little finger curled across the ring finger getting dragged along. Anyhow. This means my hand gets very tired, very quickly from writing. Hence my typing mania.

But anyhow, seeing as I've done twenty-one exams, my arm is now protesting loudly, (blisters on hands, sore fingers, massive bruising/indentation on the ring finger)and especially this muscle. Which keeps doing it's own little thing and being really stiff, vaguely painful and spasming at frequent intervals. I mean, seriously, I can watch it. It's kind of intriguing but highly annoying. And the muscle feels permanently tense compared to its companion on my left arm.


Overall, I am left with a single choice.

Learn to write WITH MY FEET.

'cause damn, but that'd be awesome.

Well, I guess that it's not spam if it's only a single picture...well, whatever.
Speedy pencil job, speedier colour job. Not exactly happy with much of it, but the hair is good, I believe.
Only 2 exams to go! I counted today, and I've already done at least twenty. Scary thought, that.

GCSEs and the subsequent midnight-7 sleeping schedule I'm on are killing me. I just need a decent night's sleep. And a bath. But I've only got four exams left, and plenty of chances to make meself slashy classics manga. Which I did for the Aeneid (which was not that slashy, but had emo! Dido and dumb blonde Aeneas, 'cause in the whole of the sections of book IV that we were doing, he says nary a word), and for some of the Herodotus stories (Arion and that peri-whatsisface-king-guy - Dude, subtext. "having spent much time with Periander". Plus, it said he worked for money - what SORT of work? ohoho. Also, bishounen Croesus and Cleobis/Biton incesty slashy stuff going on. *sigh*. Yes, I am an utter loser). The odessey (sp? Shot to hell.)offers a lot less in slashy opportunities that keep me amused, and help me learn somewhat...unless the suitors are having a massive orgy or something. ¬_¬ and that's kinda suspect.

Ah well.

Sources paper tomorrow, then physics, then odessey (once again, je ne spellais pas. je ne speakais francais pas, either), then greek language. Fun.

Oh, and it was my birthday on Sunday. Got various and assorted presents. (tickets to sunday in the park with george (yay for Sondheim!) and also to PotO again. Good stuff.)

I can legally operate a chainsaw and sell scrap metal.

...There are massive flying /bugs/ outside the window. Seriously, like 2 inches long each.

Since when do we have outsize arial pests in England? I thought the worst we got was rain!

(I'm kind of scared to go outside now. o.o Please say that they'll be gone by the morning!)